Controlling your temper even when you're upset

So today we stopped into a Precision Tune to get the oil in John's car changed.
I've used them once before at another location in town, no problems. Cheap and pretty quick. The only place that is cheap enough that it's no longer profitable to do it yourself.

But today...
We sat in the full waiting room. And all was calm. Until.

A technician came in to tell a lady that her cabin air filter was dirty and needed replacing "Well, go ahead and do it." She said in an irritated "you're lying to me I just want to get out of here" voice.

Then they came back to tell her that all her old oil was out, but that her oil cap recommends full synthetic oil. She drives a Smart car. They told her the benefits the synthetic, but that unfortunately it costs about twice as much. She started throwing a fit, ranting that she wasn't going to pay $100 for an oil change. (I never heard them quote her a price). She told them she got her last oil change for $32. They let her know that was likely partial synthetic. She kept carrying on and then told them to just put her old oil and filter back in and let her go. They told her they'd put non-synthetic in if she wanted. She refused and they told her they'd put the old back in and have her out soon.

When they left she was like "ya'll sure you want your oil changed here?" I let her know I'd used this chain before with no problem and I'd never heard of a full synthetic oil change for $32. She told me the area she'd gotten it done in. Never heard of it. Anyway.

They rang her up and confirmed "you got the cabin filter right?" She was like "I don't know what a cabin filter is but I told them to put the old one back in." Of course I heard her tell them the change the cabin (air) filter. Anyway.

Then a lady and her toddler came in, already hostile "How much longer is it gonna be?" They told her the part should arrive in 15 minutes. She was like "That's the same $%* you told me 15 minutes ago, it don't take that long to get the part here, that auto place ain't that far away, I gotta go, this is ridiculous, I'm gonna need some kinda discount." The tech told her "we already gave you one on (such and such) remember?" She continued to complain and fly off the handle. He told her the part deliverer made a mistake and that's why it was taking longer. "Oh, so I gotta suffer because someone else, because ya'll made a mistake? This is  $%* ridiculous" and she stomped back out. She proceeded to continue fussing at them from outside in the pit area. She too told them to just put the old part back in because she had to go, she'd already been there an hour. She got on the phone and started complaining to a friend too.

Anyway, she came in to pay her bill and continued to fuss and rant. Threatening to not pay. Complaining to the cashier about what a crappy place it was, etc. As the cashier was going over her bill, she started saying she needed to see her old part, that it was put in, that they put her car back together, so her "$%& didn't fall apart going down the road." So the cashier went and got the technician, who told her that they put her old part back in as she directed. That if they hadn't gas would be leaking everywhere (apparently it was a fuel filter). They said the worse case scenario would be that they put a new one in and didn't charge her. Well, she kept insisting that they needed to put her car up on the rack and show her because she couldn't take their word for it. They went back out to the bay and she kept grumbling. She told the cashier she was going to call the police and then walked out.

Shortly after that our car was ready. No issues. I was kinda sad I didn't get to see it all go down. I told the cashier the police would be the best option because they'd politely put the lady in her place.

So I understand where the ladies were coming from- impatient, frustrated, feeling vulnerable. I too know what it feels like to wonder if you are being taken advantage of. But still, there was no need for that behavior. There's especially no need to act like that in front of your child. What a horrible example. They all could have expressed their feelings in a much more diplomatic way. I felt so sorry for the employees. They were having a rough day. I told John when we first walked in that the cashier seemed less than friendly and in a bad mood. Very much just putting in her time. But I realized by the end why she was probably so upset. Not that it makes the behavior acceptable.

So we had a good yet sad chuckle over the whole thing. And shook our heads.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

So I've not posted much but baby stuff lately. And that's cause other than work, and continued domestic upkeep, there's not been too much going on in my life. But- here's a few non-baby highlights.

Last Thursday I got all three pairs of Crocs for $10. Since my feet are aching a lot more lately due to tile floors and baby, I had to succumb. The pink ones are just for around the house though. It took me about 10 thrift stores to finally find some in my size, but then one store had all three pairs!

I also tried the sock bun curls that I first saw on another blog. To be honest, they don't look nearly as tight and defined as the youtube video I watched, but it does give my ends some curl that falls out into waves in a couple hours. I actually really like the bun too. It's a comfortable yet different way to wear your hair up and out of the way, especially in this hot hot weather. I like big hair and I could never get a bun this big with my own natural hair. The sock adds lots of volume.

This was my second attempt. The third time I let my hair dry thoroughly and used a lot of hair spray before making the bun. The curls seemed to last a little longer.

A couple weeks ago my dad and a buddy of his came for a visit to watch the Blue Angels beach airshow. The weather was perfect. Not.

But since we spent about 12 hours at the beach that day, there was a lot of people watching to be had. Check this guy in his awesome hot pants. And yes, those are whitey tighties underneath. Which although ugly, I was thankful for.

Then this other bohemian looking surfer guy pulled up on his beach cruiser and took out two pouches about the size of two paperback novels and turned it into a hammock. Kinda jealous if I do say so myself.

And this is two grown men and one grown pregnant woman huddled under the beach umbrella as another "squall" came through. By the end of the day the umbrella was broken thanks to the wind. The upside was that the Blues did manage to get in a quick show, and although we were at the beach for 12 hours and I didn't put on a lick of sunscreen, I didn't get burnt. But I also didn't get the tan I was hoping for. :(

And can I take a moment to rant about annoying children at the beach? Since I was going to be at the beach forever, I decided to try and nap/relax a bit. I dug out a shallow trench and headrest so I could recline some. And to claim the space at my sides I had two camp chairs, one on each side of me, to make some personal space. There was about a foot between me and the chairs. Apparently a foot looks like just enough room for a rowdy 3 year old to run through. More than once. Because I was the path of least resistance between the water and his camp, about 20 feet behind me. Three year olds have no sense of beach propriety. And apparently his mother had little sense of discipline, because she was constantly begging and bartering with him to listen to her. In fact, one time she had to pick him up and drag him back, as he was flailing and screaming. And then laughing. Obviously he was in no real distress. And then I hear his mom say "Are you kicking me? and then laughing and tickling him. You better believe if my child is kicking me and throwing a tantrum I will not be laughing. I will be beating his behind.

So the first time or two he almost trampled me, I ignored it and tried to shoot his mom or whoever was with him some stink eye. And then once my sheet was sandy from wind and myself, I decided to get up, shake it out and move the chair closer to me. More like 6-8 inches away. This is no small feat for a prego to crawl in and out of a sand trench. No sooner had I flopped back down then that little turd ran by anyway. Kicking about a cup of sand onto me. And the lady with him (not his mom) says very calmly "sorry" and keeps on. Oh I was ticked. There was no polite and expected "Oh it's ok" from me. There was silence. And there was no reprimand to the hooligan, just a quick perfunctory apology from the adult.
Kids (and their parents) these days!

Well, I guess that's enough whining and complaining for now :) And since I've been sitting here for a couple minutes contemplating and can think of nothing else to say, I reckon it's better to just sign off.
Until next time...

Gratitude- Miss Manners

So I've been thinking quite a bit about social customs through reading blogs and personal experiences, especially as it relates to propriety.

Since I've got a couple areas I'd like to cover, I've decided on a new label, "Miss Manners". Where I'll post what the proper social rules are and my personal opinions and experiences. I've sort-of already covered RSVPs. I did not include a direct quote from Emily Post, but here's a great article on RSVPs as it pertains to weddings:Be a gracious wedding guest not a royal pain

Today we'll discuss obligations of the host or recipient, rather the the guest or giver, the infamous and mostly forgotten Thank You card. Remember this series is Miss Manners, not Miss Grammar. Please ignore my punctuation and capitalization issues.

In our "now" and "paperless" society, the art of delayed written communication is almost extinct. We love to design wonderful invitations and Christmas card, but forget the follow up of written thank you notes.

I myself lack in this. It really is polite to send thank you's even after something as small as a dinner, especially when the host invites you to their home. I have the best intentions of doing this, and almost always forget to actually do it.

But when is a simple thank you when receiving the gift appropriate, and when should you put pen to paper to show you are both thoughtful and grateful? You can never go wrong asking Emily Post.

The article confirmed just what I suspected- written thank you's are expected for any shower gift. And wedding gifts should be acknowledged within 3 months of receipt of the gift. That was a little different than my thought of 3 months from the wedding.

At showers- a popular trend has started to have envelopes on a table and to have the guests write their address on them to make things easier on the "thanker". While a highly practical idea, I can't shake the feeling of being a bit miffed. I think part of the expectation of a thank you is that, if I as the giver put for the effort, time and money to select, purchase, wrap and deliver a gift to you, the minimum expected in return is that you spend around a dollar and 5 minutes of time to write and address a card.

And in all reality, if you were able to attend a shower that you likely already received an invitation to, shouldn't someone already have your address? Shouldn't you be that close to the recipient of your gift?


Perhaps I'm sounding snotty with my reasoning, but even the simple reasoning of being a grateful gift-receiver is reason enough. Don't be so quick to take gifts for granted. Everyone appreciates being well-thanked.

Why are people so rude?

So I've been thinking for awhile about posting some thoughts and pondering arising from real life scenarios.
Today I'm covering- people not keeping their word. Specifically, the RSVP.

Does this card mean nothing?

Another wonderful insightful blog I follow did a great post on Millennium Manners. I gobble her posts up each Monday. I don't agree with it all, but do agree quite a bit.

Anyway, in her post she shares two stories, one about a child's birthday party where almost half the guest list just didn't show and the hosts had rented out an aquarium and had catered food and another where the author's table at a wedding was only half full because of no-shows.

If you've ever planned a wedding or any big party, you know that each person who comes is likely costing you a pretty penny and you've done lots of things- food, favors, name cards, seating arrangements, entertainment etc. just for them. And it's such an insult to have your planning spat upon.

Sure, there are valid reasons you may have to skip an engagement you committed to. But IMO, they are very few. Because when you say you are going to come, it's a matter of being a person of your word to actually be there. You family is sick, you got in a car wreck, ran out of gas, got called in to work, learned of a very important event for immediate family etc. Those are valid.

But too often the reason is:" It's no longer convenient for me to make time for your event, I decided it does not sound enjoyable, I found something better to do, or I just don't 'feel' like coming." So sad and so rude.

I've often been known to give a "maybe" when I truly don't know if I want to do something. It's much less hurtful to the hosts if you give this answer then saying you plan on it and then not coming. In fact, a lot of people know a "maybe" often means a "not likely" but is the kinder way to say it.

I think in the areas of weddings, showers and birthday parties people are much too quick to think it won't matter if they come. But it does. Accommodations have been made. The honored guest has been looking forward to your attendance. If a large number of people confirmed then the host expects a large number of guests. And these particular times in our lives are a good indicator of how big our support system really is. It's sad to learn that people you thought were friends are really just acquaintances. That you aren't important enough to them for them to take 3 hours out of their schedule to celebrate with you.

I recently had this experience on a much higher level when coordinating a party. Someone who had committed to helping provide food for the party did not follow through and did not call to inform me of the change. In fact, when they were contacted 15 minutes into the start of the party they did not answer their phone. Thirty minutes into the party they answered to let me know that they were still cooking!  A half hour later I was informed (an hour into the event) that they were not going to be able to come, but could drop off the food if needed. An hour into a two hour event! We were all more than satiated at this point. The worst part of all was that it hurt the honored guest. Especially when no reason was given besides "Something came up". For shame!

So I encourage you next time to receive an invitation to reply with veracity. Better to contact the host and tell them you can come even though you replied you couldn't than to bail on a commitment to come. Then your host will be pleasantly surprised rather than frustratingly disappointed. And for PETE's SAKE- turn the thing in! If it's an SASE, you have NO excuse! Pick one or the other, but don't just leave the host wondering and wasting 45 cents!

It's also a good time to put the shoe on the other foot and think about if you would like that person to attend your wedding/shower/party or if in fact they have done so in the past for you.

It's a matter of your word.