I'm a wife first

This post has been sitting in my lineup, with only a title, since April 20th. I've kind of been afraid to finish it. Afraid to admit that I struggle. Especially since my DH reads my blog.

Before I had a child, I was taught to put your husband first. You chose him first. One day your kids will leave and he'll be the one to stay. The only way your home can be in order and your kids thrive is if you are committed to each other and put each other first.

I heartily agree. I also know heartily agree that it's hard.

Babies are wonderful little creatures. I adore mine, as does my husband.

And babies naturally take a lot of your time. Helpless little beings they are. And I enjoy being their everything (most of the time).

But being everything to one person leaves less than everything for anyone else. Including husbands.

Add in also being an employee, housekeeper, cook, crafter, church member and blogger, just to name a few, and the husband's slice gets even smaller.

But babies are just so loveable, and new, and precious. It's kinda like being in the dating portion of a relationship again. Giddy and exciting. Heartsick and overcome.

I'm sure as the years pass things will settle into a more steadfast love. Just as in marriage, the new will wear off. And that's ok. It's not something you can stop. You just have to be aware and prepared for when it happens.

But I want more than just steady. I want our marriage to thrive. And seeing as how Sophia will likely not be an only child, I better learn to make it thrive while also being a great mom. Because I don't want my marriage to suffer just because we had kids. They bring so much joy to us individually and together. But do we still bring so much joy to each other?

I love seeing John as a dad. He's excellent. But it's hard for us to change from our "momma and papa" hats to our "husband and wife" hats. Children can be all consuming. Just the practicality of bathing, feeding, clothing, diapering, entertaining and protecting a child all day long leaves not too much free time. This little blog of mine has certainly felt the crunch.

At the end of the day if either of us wants to pursue any personal leisure activities like gaming, TV, reading, crafting, blogging etc, it leaves really only minutes of quality time as a couple.

It's hard to find the balance. It's different for each couple. Some are happy and healthy with mostly family time and couple time only once every month or two. Same "date" weekly. Some spend 5 minutes of child free time a day being intensely connected.

I guess I don't know what our balance is yet. Even with free childcare available almost any time, there's still the energy of going out after a possibly long day and the money of eating out or going to a show. It's a matter of being intentional.

I'd be interested to hear the perspective of other moms...

Weekend Update 02-20-12 (A "Wicked" Good Time!)

Hi everyone!

So this weekend I finally discovered the surprise John had been taunting me with for several months.

All I knew until Friday was that we were going away for the weekend and that Saturday night we were staying in a hotel. I was told to bring one outfit each of "warm" "beach" "dressy" and "casual".
I deduced from the length we'd be gone that wherever we were going was in driving distance.

So Friday afternoon we headed out. Based on the route we traveled and the miles to our destination, I finally figured out we were going to Birmingham. I really enjoyed the scenery on the drive up as we traveled through the country a good bit.

We spent Friday evening with some wonderful friends of ours. Their son was John's best man and their granddaughter was our flower girl. We were unexpectedly treated to a great dinner in an area that reminded me of the little quaint mountain towns in Colorado.
Since I did not have a plan of the entire weekend as I packed, I managed to forget a very important item- jeans! My pants for the weekend. My only other options were shorts (too cold) and yoga pants (not appropriate). Well, I thought for sure I was about to have to buy another pair. But Mrs. "C" came through. I not only got some pants to wear, but about 10 other tops and bottoms along with 2 bracelets. Don't you just love getting new (to you) things for free? You know I do!
So once I had dinner-appropriate attire, we headed off to one of their favorite places, Stone's Throw.

Bleu cheese chips, steak, seafood pasta, burger

Banana pudding, bread pudding, creme brulee

We sat at the Chef's table- with a view into the kitchen

The only half-decent photo of the bunch. I promise we were all having a good time!

Everyone had a scrumptious dinner. I wimped out and had the burger. I just knew the steak would be too much food for me. Thankfully John had the steak and I did get to try it. Very very tasty! I do love a good steak.

Then we all had amazing dessert! I had banana pudding with a peanut butter crust. And the bananas were caramelized!

After getting home we were all full and tired, and headed off to bed. I still want to find out where Mrs "C" got her sheets. They were so so soft! I could not help but just skim my legs across them over and over.

Saturday morning we slept late, which was AMAZING. Then Mrs "C" made us all breakfast. We talked and caught up on life (over the last 2 years!) for several hours before finally getting out of our pajamas. I showered just in time for us to head over to the hotel (that was a fabulous, no "priceless" deal, thanks again to Mrs "C" the travel agent). We stayed at a Hyatt Place in Birmingham.

A lazy rainy Saturday. Love.

I told you all I did was shower. No makeup. Waiting in the hotel lobby.

Then John had us get in our nice clothes for dinner. We intended to eat at The Cheesecake Factory- but the wait was too long. Instead we went next door to California Pizza Kitchen. Also very tasty. We had some time to kill before the next surprise, so we walked around the shops that are in the same outdoor mall as the restaurant. The area is called "The Summit". It was on the peak of a hill and it was so nice. I did not realize how "happening" Birmingham is. There's lots of nice areas and fun things to do.

These always turn out as our best photos on vacay. Lol

Wearing the fishnets that were my later downfall

In the car headed off to dinner

Bham skyline

The kid who decided his arm should join us in our booth. John finally stretched his arm out and bumped his arm "accidentally". That was enough for him to get the message.

My favorite store we went in was Anthropologie. Oh my. We don't have those back home. I'd only peeked in once once before. I was so in love. I could decorate my whole house from there. I managed not to drool. However, I was not in love with their prices. But if I was rich- that would be my store. The candles there smelled amazing. But not $30 amazing.

Drool. I want the grey lamp shades. Too bad a pair would set me back $260.

We also stopped in for some froyo at Pinkberry. I had the caramel and it was really good.
As we made our way back to the car (in the wind and drizzle) I realized that I indeed wore the wrong shoes. The "hurts-so-bad-they-put-you-in-a-bad-mood" kind of wrong shoes. Good thing I had another half mile of walking ahead of me. I did manage not to cry. The pain was exacerbated by my fish net stockings that were making the balls of my feet burn with their web-like pattern. Two days later that area is still sensitive. But I digress.

We headed downtown as it was the reason for our trip. John bought us tickets to see "Wicked: A New Musical." !!!!!! He knows how much I love this show!  I've only seen one Broadway show, but I've now seen it six times! We've each seen it before, but never together. It was so nice to get all dressed up for a date. And even nicer to get away for the weekend.

The convention complex the theater was in was HUGE. And I don't know if closer parking was available, but we literally walked for 10-15 minutes to get to the theater from our car. I thought I was going to cry because of my feet. But John said "Please don't, or people will think this is a really bad date." Lol.

Once we finally made it to our seats, we were already huffing a bit. To make matters worse- it was like literally 75-80 degrees in our section. Mind you- it was like 40 degrees outside. So we were dressed warmly. Thank goodness for layers or I would have been sweating. Also, John thought we had floor seats, but as it turned out we were in the first balcony, about 4 rows from the top. So, a little further than he expected.

The show itself did not disappoint. I don't have any photos since any kind of recording is strictly prohibited. Since I've now seen about 5-6 different people play the leads, it's interesting to compare every actor's take on the character. Some really are better than others. Of course I've never seen the originals- Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth.

At about midnight in the hotel lobby- just before finally taking off those wretched shoes!

Side note- while placing the links to the names above, I got sidetracked for about 30 minutes reading bios of several women who've played the lead in Wicked. Sad but true. Sometimes I get a little starry-eyed. I think being a Broadway star would be one of the coolest and must fun things to do in life!

Sunday morning I slept the latest I've slept in a very long time. John proclaims the latest since we've been married. 9:49 am. I guess going to bed at 1:20 am had something to do with it. Anyway, we managed to catch the last few bites of the free breakfast, but just by a hair. I felt exceedingly relaxed the rest of the day.

On our way home, John had one last surprise for me. As a mid-trip break, we stopped at a local place called Priester's Pecans. It had a Cracker Barrel like atmosphere. And of course lots of pecans. I had some really wonderful pistachio almond ice cream and John had a coffee drink.

And all of this weekend was possible because of my wonderful husband. I kept thinking all weekend how blessed I am. Not everyone is a "lucky" in love as we are. not everyone tries so hard to make it work. But mine does. Every once in a while- he goes BIG! :) And he does "little" things to make me smile all the time!

Once we arrived home and had our tongue-baths from the dogs, we settled in to watch another Harry Potter. Now we only have 1 left to go!

I hope you all had a good weekend too! But it being as exciting as mine is highly doubtful :)

If only I could get away like this once a month. Oh I do love traveling for pleasure!

For the love of my husband

My fingers have been flying over the keys more than usual. If only it were for my blog!

Work has been very busy this week and that's what's been keeping me away. But for the love of John, I am taking a few precious minutes to write a post.

Things they are a-changin' round here. 

At work, multiple new policies are being meted-out. None of us here will really be happier when they are put into effect. More paperwork, and more paperwork and yet MORE paperwork. More I's to dot and T's to cross. Here donkey- carry this sack too. And all we can say is "hee-haw". Oh, and no raises for you, and start paying more for your benefits. "Hee-haw".

I am seriously going to research how I can put my BSN to use by working from home. If a legitimate opportunity that pays well and doesn't rely on sales-pitching materializes, I just may take it.

On John's work front, his last day at his current employer will be April 30th. He has just lost the passion and enjoyment at his job. Some things have happened lately that made it apparent he is supposed to move on. He will be making a go of getting our eBay side business off the ground and hopefully turn it into full-time employment. Right now we could really live off jut my salary, so we have a little wiggle-room to take an income hit for a little while. It will slow down the debt snowball, but we are getting very close to the end of that, thank goodness! Still hoping to be done by the end of the year.

John's work change is also bringing about a spiritual change of sorts. We will also be leaving our current church and trying another here in town. I am a little anxious- I have been going to our church for 14 years. It has been my spiritual as well as social gathering place. I am accustomed to a certain style. The new church we will be trying is radically different. Very small. Sings hymns. BUT- I do know the Pastor and really enjoy the bible studies we have attended that he led. I am excited about sitting under his teaching. I am only nervous about our ability to feel at home and make new friends. It's kinda like being the new kid at school in a way. 

When I lived in Tallahassee and California for small stretches, I always found it a little more difficult to make friends than when I was younger. Hard to find a church that felt like home. Hard to setup a social network. It's easier when you are still in school- because you spend a great deal of time together and kinda have friends by default. As an adult, we are all busy with jobs, kids, homes and maybe continuing education. When you have friends whom you have kept from childhood into adulthood, they understand when you are busy. You have that foundation to rely on. When you make friends as an adult if you don't make an effort to spend time together regularly, the friendship kinda dies. 

I will still have my ladies' group. I will likely still have the friends I have now at our current church (which the hubby points out really and truly is not that many), but I guess it's the discomfort of having to make new friends that worries me. It's not always easy to find a kindred spirit. It is infinitely more difficult to find "married" kindred spirits. Then you are trying to get 4 people to mesh. 

But alas, we will be taking that journey. Who knows, maybe the grass will be greener on the other side?

A very special weekend update, our 1 year!

In order to be fair, I'll put briefly what we did up through Sunday afternoon-

Friday- (after work) I cleaned and cooked dinner, took it up to the church, went to church, held cute little Gavin again and realized that it's hard to keep a chunky squirmy 7-month-old quiet during a sermon and then gave up and took him where he could crawl and coo.

Saturday- We had breakfast at church, then morning church, then lunch, then a nap, then showering, some cooking, and heading over to our good friend's house for a wing-fest. We had such a great time. We stayed there til after 1am talking about some really serious issues. It was heavy, but enlightening. Lol. We just have some things to pray about, but God is making His plan clearer.

Sunday- Got up and posted this wonderful post for my love that I'd typed up previously, dropped the pups off at grandma's, went to church in my new blue dress that was a hit with the hubby but forgot to take pics, took a nap, got up and got ready for dinner at The Melting Pot, which is where the real fun begins... Prepare for picture overload.

The hubby had these for me on our bed Sunday when we came home. So pretty! I love pink roses.

The card was from the kids. For the "birthday" of our anniversary. It said "thanks for making it to 1"

What I wore- I had another outfit in mind but the weather turned too cool. Poo-poo. And I can't believe I'm showing you these cause I look chuuuunky. But que sera...for now. 

Ok, so we thoroughly enjoyed the restaurant. Highly recommend it. In fact, we are going back in April. Check out their website, they are having a promotion for a free cheese fondue for 2 in honor of "National Fondue Month/Day". But you have to make a reservation.

Our booth was on "Lover's Lane". A remote, private little hallway with only 3 booths with extra-high sides and L-shaped seating so that you sit next to each other and still are face to face. And the lighting is VERY dim. It felt almost naughty. Lol. Our server was fantastic.

In our booth

With flash, but DH looks a little...tired?

It was our anniversary after all!

DH reading his mushy card. I got one too. It made me teary.

Hubby's gift. Monogrammed cuff links.

Then we chowed down...

The table is set for a wonderful evening

1st course- Spinach Artichoke Cheese fondue

1st course dippers- bread, apples, veggies and chips

Then a salad, then the main course. Yes, that's raw meat on the left. Beef, duck, steak and chicken. Veggies. And dipping sauces. Takes about 2 minutes to cook each piece of meat.

Final course, chocolate peanut butter "The Original" fondue. Pic taken after we decimated it.

Was so excited totally forgot to take a pic of the beautiful dessert dippers. Cake, cheesecake, brownies, bananas, Rice crispy treats and strawberries. So.very.yummy.

Then we drove on out the to the near-frigid beach and enjoyed our hotel room. 

View from our balcony at night

We goofed off and watched cable while our food settled enough to eat some year-old wedding cake.

John made use of our progressive rapid-fire self timer. In these pics I was a whale. So I cut me out.

A different face for each frame

He made all these faces in like 3 seconds

I <3 this man

More goofing

 Then finally, enough room for cake...

What it looked like a year ago

Bout to unwrap it (done earlier in the day at home)

3 layers of tin-foil and 4 layers of plastic wrap later...

Here it is! Black icing bleeds as you can see :)

It kinda fell apart. And we ate it off the lid to the ice bucket in our room since we forgot plates :) But it still tasted pretty decent.

Monday- I did not take any pictures. We slept late, checked out of our hotel room at like 11:10, took a walk on the beach, got a free Smoothie King smoothie, had the car washed and vacuumed to kill time, ate lunch at a Chinese/sushi/hibachi buffet, went to PT (I went with John), took a 3 mile walk and watched a movie at home. A really cute one I can safely recommend, called "You Again".

It was a wonderful time. Relaxing, low-key, and together. I love it when we spend whole days together without any responsibilities. Cannot believe another milestone has come and gone!