Loss

Today turned out a lot different than I planned.

It was a busy day at work. But I'm in the Intensive Care Unit this week and enjoying it, so that was ok (the busy-ness).

That is, until lunch. When I saw I had a missed call from my husband.
I called to check in to find out that he sold our truck- yay!
And to find out that our dog Eby had gone missing. Boo. Big boo.
I knew I had to keep it together because there was still much to be done at work. She's gone missing a few times before. We'd always been blessed to recover her. Only John had already been looking awhile when he told me. And she doesn't have on her collar.

Ernie got out too but came back home before John even knew he was gone. Eby always puts her nose to the ground and takes off, being a member of the hound group.

The details really aren't important. What matters is that she is gone. She hasn't turned up.

We put out signs at the intersection and the entrances to the subdivisions near us. Tomorrow we plan to put out smaller signs in the neighborhoods and put slips in a lot of mailboxes. She is a sweet and friendly dog so I am hoping someone took her into their house. And I sincerely hope that someone sees a sign and calls us. The not knowing is unbearable.

We live near a big busy road. That worries me. There are probably 400-500 houses within a quarter mile of us. That worries me too. She's been gone for hours and hours. Hopefully not getting farther and farther away. That worries me too.

She was a stray when we got her. So obviously she's run off before. Not good for us.

I wonder if she never comes back, if we'll get another dog. If Ernie will be lonely. How I could learn to love another dog? How we could get such a good match again?

I've been praying a lot to be at peace. To not be angry and worried. But it's so hard. I really do love my dogs.

Please come home Eby!!!!!!!!!

 And then the day brought more loss.

I got am automated reminder call from my midwife's office for my appointment tomorrow, but it said it was with the nurse practitioner. I called to see if my midwife was out, or sick, or whatever.

She's gone.

"She's no longer with the practice". What the heck? No courtesy call or letter? They were just gonna let me show up and find out. I asked if she was still in the area or had moved to another practice "Not that we're aware of at this time. But you can come in and discuss your options with the nurse practitioner." I know my options. She is the only midwife in the practice. The nurse practitioners don't do deliveries, and the other two partners are MD's.

I have a call in to our Bradley instructor to see if she can find out anything. In the meantime I'll see the NP for tomorrow. I need my lab results. I had a list of questions for the midwife about her policy/beliefs on some things. Guess I can leave that at home.

I'd really come to adore my midwife. She's so positive and enthusiastic. I'm super disappointed.

There is another midwife in town. I'm fairly certain that's who I'll switch to if I can't find Robin at another practice somewhere in town. But this midwife is at a different practice. And all her backup physicians are male. And I'm almost 7 months pregnant. And all the trust I'd built with Robin is gone.

I was talking to the Lord about all this as I drove home from work. I know He is fully able to control all these things and I can have a happy healthy baby and an uncomplicated birth even if I only meet the "baby catcher" in the delivery room. But He also knows how I feel.

It's a good thing He can help with feelings, because a lot of mine are not in line right now.

Just being honest.

Debbie Downer signing off now.