Accustomed

So I got rather "spoiled" by my lack of work over the past couple months. But alas, my bank account and savings account have also been "spoiled" but not in the same way I have. So when an opportunity for a lot of work arrived, I had to take it.

So, out of the 28 days of February, I am working 21 of them. Two of them will be only 6 hours and 2 of them will be only 4 hours (weekend days). But still, after being home a lot, that is a lot of time away from home for me.

So this morning I dropped Sophia off at great-grandma's, I tried not to cry. First because she still clings to me when I drop her off. She doesn't go as happily as she does at grandma's. I did make it better this morning by putting her down by some toys instead of handing her straight to great-grandma. She didn't cry.

But, I will be leaving her with either John or great-grandma for some portion of the day for the next 8 of 9 days. I have every Wednesday off and one of two weekend days off (except this weekend when I work both). It's hard to think about. I tried to think of doctors, hospital pharmacists, even just regular full-time workers who have their kids in daycare 40+ hours a week. To be honest, it didn't help me. That's just not what I want for myself or Sophia and I'm not going to feel bad about earnestly desiring and even demanding it. I'm not going to feel bad about sacrificing friend's expensive wedding gifts, co-workers sympathy plants, Thirty-One parties, Scentsy parties, dinners out, or even mission projects. I'm not sacrificing precious time with my daughter just to be able to afford the things society thinks you should. No judgement here if you want to work full-time and have nicer things. That's totally your choice. It's just not for me.

But, my more-rigorous-than-normal work schedule is not about saving for a cruise or buying new clothes. We're down to it being a necessity of keeping the "four walls" covered at this point after a lean couple of months for my job. So I'll suck it up and be grateful for the chance to play a little financial catch-up. But I'll still be missing my Sophie.