Thursday, August 25, 2016

To my firstborn on her first day of school


Today you started K4. You are 3 years and 9 months old. I cannot believe we are here. Last night, I was trying so hard to re-experience the feeling of holding and rocking you as a little baby. My mind can remember doing it, but the feelings are not the same. I have enjoyed you in all your stages, but I do wish some days that we could go back, just for a short while, and you could really be my baby again.

I know that K4 is not always "school". But, you are attending K4 at a pretty strict private Christian school. Not a daycare. And next year you'll be in Kindergarten. And then first grade, then 11 more grades. So today is the start of 14 years (gulp!) of academics for you. Wow.

You have had mixed emotions leading up to today, as have I. We have done our best to help you be excited, while still validating and calming your fears. You have been scared about us "leaving you there". But, per your usual, you were excited last night and this morning, and when I walked you into class, you took on the unknown very well. There were no tears from either of us, although after I left you at that big school in the hands of "the unknown" to some degree, I did get a little misty.

Time passed quickly for Caleb and I. He napped, I did housework. It was peaceful. Just a few hours later, I met you at your bus stop. You got off the bus and as I was buckling you in and you were telling me all about your day, I almost lost it. My little baby I love so much had done her first day of school, and loved it, and was now experiencing the big, wide world.

Sophia I want you to know that I am so privileged to be your mommy. You are God's gift and responsibility to us. As we have gone to Open House, and Orientation, it occurred to me that up until now, you have only known stardom in your life. You are so very loved and doted on. At school, while you will be cared for, there will be many many other children also needing attention. You will be in a "herd" of sorts. No one there, or in the world really, loves you and cherishes you like we do. So I hope you grow up knowing that.

I love you very much Sophie Bear. It is bittersweet to see you grow and go. But, just like we thought and you proved by your response today, you are more than ready. May our house and our arms be the place that loves you most and prepares to you to take on the world.