A year and a milestone

I cannot believe it's been a whole year. Clearly blogging is no longer my passion. Right now my passion is being a homemaker and cooking, cleaning, and caring consumes most of my day. And then a couple days a week of outside the home work.

I really need to write a catch-up. And to write more about my sweet little boy.

But today I need to document a milestone in Sophia's life.

September 25, 2017, was the first time Sophia asked Jesus into her heart. She didn't tell anyone about it until the next day. Here's how the conversation went:

S- Momma I asked Jesus to come and live in my heart last night!
M- You did? I'm so proud of you! When did you do that? When you were alone in your bed?
S- Yes, a few hours ago
M- What did you say to Jesus?
S- I asked him to forgive my sins and come live in my heart now. Do I get to go the heaven now?
M- Yes
S- Will you be there?
M- Yes, I will
S- Good because I'd be scared to be in heaven without parents. I'd only have fruit to eat without my parents to feed me.
The Earth is boring. I don't want to be on the Earth, I want to be in heaven.
S- Well I'm glad to have you here on the Earth.

All this talk of salvation is thanks to her awesome teacher. I'm sure this is only a small first step on her faith journey. She's only four. But it's exciting nonetheless. I'll be curious to see if she remembers this moment when she is older. I remember the first altar call I responded to. It was after a performance of Heavens Gates and Hells Flames at Bethany World Outreach Center in Baton Rouge. I think my mom asked me to explain what it meant before I went down.

All of Sophia's life I've prayed that she would come to know Jesus in His perfect will and timing. I'm honestly a little unsure if she can really comprehend all that she's asking. But she can comprehend on her level. For me, I asked as a child, but my real, true, never going back, not struggling all the time with sin salvation experience came in my early 20's. And I'd spent my whole life in church! So I guess it makes me a bit skeptical that this will be her true, lasting, meaningful salvation experience. But who am I to know what the Holy Spirit may be doing in her life? So I for certain want to commemorate it.

Since that day Sophia has been talking a lot about Heaven. She says her second VBS this year and her school teacher this year are how she knows all she does. I know that a few weeks ago her teacher offered for those who wanted to pray for salvation. She told me she didn't pray then, but that night she asked Jesus to forgive her (three times) but she didn't ask him into her heart. She is talking about mansions, and how God is preparing them for us even now, and how we will get crowns but they're really to give back to Jesus, and how we may not get tired but if we do we can sleep. And streets of gold. And a surprising amount of accurate biblical truths!

I can also say that I have noticed the past few days that she has been extra obedient. She told me the night she told me about her salvation "I think I'm going to obey for the rest of my life on." There have been more yes/no ma'am's, less complaining, quicker obedience.

So, my sweet girl, I want you to know how it was when you first asked Jesus into your heart, in case someday you don't remember it yourself.

Little Peter Pan

Sophia,

Tonight at bedtime you said something very bittersweet. As usual, after lights out and prayers, you wanted to "talk about something". Right now you mostly want to talk about how long until your birthday, your birthday wish list, how long until we visit Uncle Dale's farm, or about the animals at the zoo. But tonight you asked a new question.

"When am I going to be a baby again?"

It was bittersweet because I feel your little heart must long for all the attention that a baby demands. I had to gently explain to you that once we grow up from being a baby, we can never go back; that we just get bigger and bigger until one day, we are as big as mommy. "But I don't want to" you said.

I thought it would help if I tried to get you excited about all the things big kids get to do, like eating treats and food like pizza, hamburgers, ice cream, and french fries. Then I mentally chastised myself for making it seem like only junk food is treat food, so I added in rice, broccoli, and cheese. I said you wouldn't want to go back to taking 2 naps a day, and getting to eat only formula from a bottle. You weren't really buying any of it.

So I said that one day when you are as big as mommy, you could have a baby of your own. You asked "Is it going to come out of my tummy?" Although the answer is likely yes, I wanted to factor in that you may choose to adopt, have a surrogate, or not have children at all. So I said "Well it can if you want it to." You said "But I don't want it to." So I asked how you wanted to get it and you said "from the hospital." Then you asked, "What will its name be?" And I said, "You get to choose!." And you told me you wanted it to be named Chloe and that you wanted a girl.

I told you that someday you are going to be as big as mommy, and live in your own house. That scared you. You said you didn't want to leave our house and you would be scared to live alone. Then I said "Well, you might get married, like I did to Papa, and have a husband, and live in a house with him." You said "but I don't want to live somewhere else." I then realized that this conversation was just too heavy for an almost 4 year old. So I told you that you could live with Mama and Papa forever.

That seemed to satisfy you and we moved on to talking about your birthday toy wish list.

I fully know that chances are, you will grow up and move out. But someday I hope you get to read this, and know that once upon a time you were my sweet, innocent, vulnerable little girl who wanted to live with Mama and Papa forever.

I love you little one.

PS- Please forgive my incorrect quotations format. I can't remember all the rules and I don't feel like Googling it. :)

To my firstborn on her first day of school

Sophia,

Today you started K4. You are 3 years and 9 months old. I cannot believe we are here. Last night, I was trying so hard to re-experience the feeling of holding and rocking you as a little baby. My mind can remember doing it, but the feelings are not the same. I have enjoyed you in all your stages, but I do wish some days that we could go back, just for a short while, and you could really be my baby again.

I know that K4 is not always "school". But, you are attending K4 at a pretty strict private Christian school. Not a daycare. And next year you'll be in Kindergarten. And then first grade, then 11 more grades. So today is the start of 14 years (gulp!) of academics for you. Wow.

You have had mixed emotions leading up to today, as have I. We have done our best to help you be excited, while still validating and calming your fears. You have been scared about us "leaving you there". But, per your usual, you were excited last night and this morning, and when I walked you into class, you took on the unknown very well. There were no tears from either of us, although after I left you at that big school in the hands of "the unknown" to some degree, I did get a little misty.

Time passed quickly for Caleb and I. He napped, I did housework. It was peaceful. Just a few hours later, I met you at your bus stop. You got off the bus and as I was buckling you in and you were telling me all about your day, I almost lost it. My little baby I love so much had done her first day of school, and loved it, and was now experiencing the big, wide world.

Sophia I want you to know that I am so privileged to be your mommy. You are God's gift and responsibility to us. As we have gone to Open House, and Orientation, it occurred to me that up until now, you have only known stardom in your life. You are so very loved and doted on. At school, while you will be cared for, there will be many many other children also needing attention. You will be in a "herd" of sorts. No one there, or in the world really, loves you and cherishes you like we do. So I hope you grow up knowing that.

I love you very much Sophie Bear. It is bittersweet to see you grow and go. But, just like we thought and you proved by your response today, you are more than ready. May our house and our arms be the place that loves you most and prepares to you to take on the world.