This post has been sitting in my lineup, with only a title, since April 20th. I've kind of been afraid to finish it. Afraid to admit that I struggle. Especially since my DH reads my blog.
Before I had a child, I was taught to put your husband first. You chose him first. One day your kids will leave and he'll be the one to stay. The only way your home can be in order and your kids thrive is if you are committed to each other and put each other first.
I heartily agree. I also know heartily agree that it's hard.
Babies are wonderful little creatures. I adore mine, as does my husband.
And babies naturally take a lot of your time. Helpless little beings they are. And I enjoy being their everything (most of the time).
But being everything to one person leaves less than everything for anyone else. Including husbands.
Add in also being an employee, housekeeper, cook, crafter, church member and blogger, just to name a few, and the husband's slice gets even smaller.
But babies are just so loveable, and new, and precious. It's kinda like being in the dating portion of a relationship again. Giddy and exciting. Heartsick and overcome.
I'm sure as the years pass things will settle into a more steadfast love. Just as in marriage, the new will wear off. And that's ok. It's not something you can stop. You just have to be aware and prepared for when it happens.
But I want more than just steady. I want our marriage to thrive. And seeing as how Sophia will likely not be an only child, I better learn to make it thrive while also being a great mom. Because I don't want my marriage to suffer just because we had kids. They bring so much joy to us individually and together. But do we still bring so much joy to each other?
I love seeing John as a dad. He's excellent. But it's hard for us to change from our "momma and papa" hats to our "husband and wife" hats. Children can be all consuming. Just the practicality of bathing, feeding, clothing, diapering, entertaining and protecting a child all day long leaves not too much free time. This little blog of mine has certainly felt the crunch.
At the end of the day if either of us wants to pursue any personal leisure activities like gaming, TV, reading, crafting, blogging etc, it leaves really only minutes of quality time as a couple.
It's hard to find the balance. It's different for each couple. Some are happy and healthy with mostly family time and couple time only once every month or two. Same "date" weekly. Some spend 5 minutes of child free time a day being intensely connected.
I guess I don't know what our balance is yet. Even with free childcare available almost any time, there's still the energy of going out after a possibly long day and the money of eating out or going to a show. It's a matter of being intentional.
I'd be interested to hear the perspective of other moms...