So for Christmas this year one of John's "gifts" was that I bought a bottle of prenatal vitamins and wrapped them up with a card saying I'd quit birth control. John made it very clear around Thanksgiving that he would like a baby in 2012. And the Lord had already been preparing me to take this step.
So we decided at first to take a relaxed approach. A wait and see.
Well I'm very bad at waiting. So I started the game of always wondering "am I?"
After two negative pregnancy tests and waiting for my body to regulate after quitting BC, I learned that month one passed without a bun in the oven.
So month two I started casually tracking using an app on my phone. At this point I did not know my cycle length post BC since I'd only had one cycle. So I tracked using the shortest and longest lengths and figured I had about a 2 week "possible" time. But when I brought this intensity to the "game" it kind of put John off. So I backed off. Plus my body starting showing some weird signs. I didn't know quite what was going on.
It was hard to determine what every little sign my body was showing meant. I never knew if the things I was feeling meant I was PMSing, ovulating, pregnant, or just whacked out and trying to readjust after being on BC for two years. It's a good thing I bought ten tests because a lot of times my curiosity would get the better of me and I'd take a test. And then when it was negative I'd tell myself I took it too soon (and since it was before my cycle due date it likely was too soon). So then I'd wait until the cycle due date and test again. It quickly became a little disappointing seeing only one line. It's hard for an impatient person like me to wait for something once I decide on it :)
Of course then I'd also wondering if indeed something could be wrong. It was early on in our trying so it was way too soon to explore that route. It's perfectly reasonable for a healthy fertile person to take 6mo-1yr to get pregnant (I kept telling myself). But my goodness the waiting is hard! Especially when you know people who get pregnant easily. But life varies for everyone and it's usually filled with waits. So for then I was on one. And was praying for God's timing, but that it was hopefully soon!
About 2 months in I began to feel less anxious about things. I think it's easier the week of your cycle and the week or so after, because you know you are not pregnant. It's that week leading up to my cycle that I'm so anxious about. Again, it's about the waiting and wondering.
A little less than 3 months into "trying" we took a trip to Texas (that I blogged about). Of course there's always a more relaxed feeling (and less little daily things to take care of) when you are away. We joked that if I got pregnant that cycle we could name the baby Houston or Antonio. Lol.
Well, fast forward 5 days after we get back from our trip. I've been using the WomanLog app to track my cycles. So I know that in another 5 days my cycle should be coming. That particular Saturday (the 10th) I found myself almost crying over something frustrating, but not really tears-worthy. And a little nagging thought formed. "Am I?".
So per my routine, I decided to take a test. Only I did it late at night. And when no pink line started to form right away, I figured Aunt Flo would be visiting the next week per usual. To be honest, I don't think I let it sit very long at all.
Don't ask me why, but the next morning I decided to look at the test again. I think I wondered if that line ever appears even if you are not pregnant if you let it sit long enough. Lo and behold, a very faint pink second line was now present. After some internet research- there are votes on both sides. Some women swear that no matter how long the line takes, any line means you're preggo. Women shared about having tests sit out for a week and no change- if they in fact were not pregnant. The manufacturer of the test says not to read after 10 minutes. I was long past that. There's also mention of a line appearing due to "evaporation" and is not an actual positive result.
So I went about my day and decided to take another test the next morning, and do it right :) My alarm went off at 5:30 and it was soooo dark. I really did not want to get out and walk/jog. So I promised myself that if the test was negative, I would, but if it was positive, I'd take the morning off.
Little did I know $1.08 was about to change our lives forever. I took the test, set my phone timer for 3 minutes and put it out of sight. By this point, my heart was pounding and my stomach was tense. I was prepared to see nothing, and toss another test in the trash, not mention it to anyone, and go about my day.
But at the end of 3 minutes, there was an undeniable faint second line. Whoa.
To be honest, it did not feel "real" then and it still didn't until we had our first doctor appt. I mean, I knew I was pregnant, but I did not feel any different. Other than being pretty darn nervous/excited all that first day. I decided to shower and get dolled up before waking the unsuspecting dad-to-be.
Then I got the t-shirt I'd made months ago (with a free offer from Vistaprint, TUVM) that was from the "baby" saying he/she loved dad and would see him soon. John was a bit taken back since I'd just awakened him. I told him I had a late anniversary present for him. And then let him open the bag. He read the shirt and then dropped it and said "Are you pregnant?". I said yes and then got an "awwww, baby" and a big hug.
And then we laid there awhile, soaking it in. John wondering if the baby would "mow grass or wash dishes." Lol. He wants a boy, I want a girl. Of course we'll be happy with either.
Since I'd be putting in my resignation at work that day, and I wanted to share that with my boss, we knew we'd have to get the important people notified ASAP. We first went to my mom's room and gave her a gift- a recordable story book called "Grandma and Me". I fortunately caught her freak out on video! It was so cute.
Sorry it's sideways. I took it that way and can't figure out how to change it.
We notified other immediate family and close friends that day. We got a lot of "was this a surprise?" since we did not make TTC public knowledge. Of course everyone was really happy for us. And we are happy too, although it still feels surreal.
Now stay tuned for an update about our first doctor appointment...