Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The story of my life

is...always wishing, wanting, contemplating, trying and sometimes even succeeding at losing weight.

Currently I'm in a wishing/wanting phase. I look back at our pictures from our wedding and honeymoon and think "who is that girl?" She was thinner, tanner, and just looked more attractive and healthy. The last year has been wonderful for my heart and soul, but not so great for my body. Some days I feel just plain frumpy and huge. I can't imagine how I'll feel during pregnancy someday. It is not a fun feeling.

However, I can't say that I hate the feeling enough that I've made a real effort to change. I have all these great ideas- I'll start walking, I'll do the 5K training program again, I won't eat so much crap. But I've yet to put that into practice. I definitely have always done better exercising in a group or with someone more motivated than me. I don't have that right now.

So, I am thinking I am going to take the "easy" way out for at least the first 5-20 pounds. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it on here, but in December of 2006 I had Lap-Band surgery (which as you can see is not the be-all end-all for everyone). In fact once the "honeymoon" period of drastic weight-loss is over many people re-bound. Perhaps not to morbid obesity but at least to "chunky."
{I lost about 45-50 pounds initially for those who are wondering}

But, I started to have some complications last fall and winter just before the wedding. I had gotten my band tighter in the hopes of losing a few extra pounds before the wedding. It was too tight, way too tight. I could not even keep down water. I had to have it loosened. It was still too tight really. I also got a flu-like illness around the same time. And in all of this, I was having to travel 3 hours and spend about $300 each time it was adjusted. I was miserable. So, I made the decision to have it completely loosened. At the time I was wearing a size 12. I just decided to let go and enjoy my engagement, wedding and honeymoon. And I did, very much.

But fast-forward a year and I have gained probably about 15 pounds (refuse to get on scale for now). None of my size 12 pants fit. My new "fat" pants are tight. My first anniversary and hopefully warmer weather (which means the beach) are approaching.

So, I have decided to look into tightening the band again. But much more conservatively this time. I know that I will have to train my mind again too that I will only be able to eat VERY small amounts at a time. My brain still has never learned to separate food from pleasure. I will still have to keep working on that.

But, I am contemplating it. Also going to look into seeing if I could get a local provider and have it covered under health insurance. If not, I'll be making the $300 3hr trip I reckon.

As far as the tan and blond- it appears that I will have to wait until it's warm enough to let the sun tan me or settle for tanning lotion. Alas, my husband cares too much for me to allow me to visit the "sun" beds I love so much. I have not done it since the wedding.
The blond- the jury is out. For now I am just letting the color and faint highlights I had fade naturally and see where it goes. Maybe add more highlights towards spring. Who knows.

Anyway, I will update ya'll on what I find out and what I do.
Here's to better days.

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